+

This blog is being replaced by
www.abusedmeninscotland.org
For up to date information please visit the website.

We still welcome comments, personal experiences or expressions of interest on this blog. Anything sent to us via the Meninscotland email will be treated confidentially within the organisation. If you leave a ‘Comment’ please indicate whether you would like us to remove your name before it goes public.

 

 


We have a petition lodged with the Scottish Parliament calling for a radical overhaul of domestic abuse support services, public information, training of staff and production of teaching materials in Scottish schools to acknowledge fully the experiences of men on the receiving end of domestic abuse or violence and their children. The petition is now closed to signatures and comments and has been submitted to the Petitions Committee. The committee  heard our evidence on Jan 26th. Invitations to respond to the Petition were sent to several charities, police forces and local authorities as well as to the Scottish Government. Their submissions  and our responses may be downloaded from the Petitions website.

16 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. I have been researching the issue of domestic abuse/violence in the UK for some years and am exasperated by the persisting refusal by government and its agencies to accept that women can be aggressive/violent in intimate relationships, despite a wealth of official statistics and academic studies all showing that this is indeed the case. This petition relating to Scotland is therefore to be welcomed, but at the same time it is a sad commentary on the increasing political marginalisation of men in the UK that it is needed.

    Equality legislation in the UK is based on the fundamental principle that ‘equality’ means ‘equality of individuals’ and not of groups. To comply with this basic human right, official recognition of, and service provision for, those male and female victims, and their children, suffering similar or comparable intimate abuse/violence should therefore be on an equal basis.

    • David many thanks for your comment. We fully agree with your sentiments, and are happy to include a link to Dewar Research in the Research tab above, for anyone wishing to follow up your work on this subject.
      We’ve been pleased by the willingness of the Petitions Committee to listen to our case, and encouraged to hear the knowledgeable and supportive contributions made by members.
      We sincerely hope that other MSPs will ensure they are fully informed before the issue is next debated. You can view the information that will be coming in to the Petitions Committree on the Petition-evidence link on the right, and we’d welcome any further thoughts you’re willing to share with us.

      Alison Waugh

  2. Hi both.

    This is fantastic stuff. Could you email me please I have some additional information that may be of use/interest to you. The service we run is UK wide with many clients in Scotland and we have real time statistics.

  3. People are being abused when accused of false allegations often after separating from their partners. As there is virtually no penalty for perjury in Scottish civil courts the system is open to abuse and a person can be falsley accused with impunity. Scottish unmarried fathers who have signed their childs birth certificate prior to a change in the legislation on 4th may 2006 are particularly vulnerable. Unlike unmarried fathers who signed their childs birth certificate on or after this date they and their children are discrimianated against in that they do not have automatic Parental Rights and Responsibilities (PRRs)towards their children. They are treated differently also to married fathers,to divorced fathers and to all mothers. There are just under 200,000 births jointly registered by unmarried parents in the 10 year period prior to the change in family law and it is well documented that these parents were on the whole ignorant of their parental rights status and assumed equality. You cannot be a parent without PRRs and these margenalised fathers can only obtain them with the agreement of their childs mother. If she is not willing he has to go to court. With the courts being under resourced the most vulnerable in society ‘children’ often suffer the consequences of being alienated from their dads for long periods of time. This is exacerbated by false allegations and to the fact that family matters involving children are not prioritised. Going to court to try to achieve access to your child and PRRs under these circumstances is extemely harrowing lengthy and costly. It is not suprising that many fathers give up in despair either from stress or lack of funds to the detriment of their children. False allegations should be punishable even in civil courts as they not only hurt children and corrupt statistics they put further strain on the already burdened legal system to the detriment of those who are in genuine need.

  4. Hi Alison and Fiona

    I have just added my name to the petition, my son has lost everything as he has had no help whatsoever from anyone. His wife turned the abuse around and blamed it all on him, he was arrested thankfully not charged. He put up with the abuse for sometime for the sake of his daughter and to try to make things work. However no one needs to put up with abuse, he had to leave his home and now he has lost everything. His home, all his possesions, and his self esteem. He does gets his daughter 3.5 days a week which is great but only because his wife is happy with this arrangement for now, as the courts have made her the main carer. As the lawyer said the women will get custody regardless. I wrote a letter of complaint to the Childrens services as I am disgusted with the way my son has been treated by them and all parties conserned, we have a meeting with Child Services on Thursday the 11th Feb 2010. My point to them is, it is maybe to late in ………’s case, however for all the other families they meet with there is two sides to every story, men arent always the guilty ones. I appreciate that the two off you have highlighted this.

    Kind Regards
    Pauline

  5. Swear on my children’s lives this is true. I knew the local women who ran the safehouse. They believed all DV comes from men, 99%, they repeated the myths even after proof was given that the myths were now lies. The woman who ran the shelter, high school education, little experience with the world, but her title was “exective director” and she was seen as an expert, was slapped by her mom and didn’t report her but men pushing a woman needed restraining orders, cops, on and on in her eyes (Her adult son told my adult son about this).

    When I was attacked – two years ago, despite knowing that the woman who attacked me had a history of violence, a history of losing siblings as a child, a father who committed suicide, that she was a whaked out mom, when they saw me with a split lip and black eye they knew, despite knowing her and me, despite me teaching one of their son’s tennis, that if a man (I) was attacked he must have provoked it. Men have it coming, women don’t.

    An older female therapist who talked to me 20 years ago when this happened said “I believe you” and said that my own mother’s violence likely led me to stay when I should have left, for my children’s sake… the point is, my mothers abuse added to hers lead to suicidal feelings… And no, I am not a wimpy guy, I taught self-defense and weight lifting but you can’t watch your “lover” 100% of the time… I challenged these women later saying that if I had pushed her I would be a police statistic – if they had a chance to call 911 they would have. But for me, they didn’t even ask me to come in for counseling.

    Today her daughter no longer talks to her. Past friends avoide her because she is a bit crazy, but in the world of gender … the world of DV propaganda, the idea that a man must have had it comming if attacked and that the women are always innocent has led to billions of dollars to spread that propaganda that hurts our children, and prevents stopping DV Making this about gender instead of untreated survivors of child abuse … keeps DV alive.

  6. From my own experience, I know two women who throw crockery at their husbands – one the wife of a headmaster; a woman who abused her first husband until he sought a divorce and who now abuses her second husband – he told me that he is out of his depth; a woman who told me that she loves a good fight and is the instigator of fights with her husband.
    I know more women who belittle their husbands in public. I do not believe the DV statistics that are spouted by the Women’s Aid groups, you only have to see your friends and neighbours to know that the 1 in 3 or 4 women they say are abused, are most certainly NOT abused. Going by their false statistics, you would be seeing bruised women all over the place!

    I have a copy of some Scottish Statistics for the years 1999-2004,-
    Scottish Executive – Children’s Social Work Statistics 2003-2004.

    It gives comparisons of children who were abused from 1999-2004 and splits it into columns of abusers, such as: Natural mother, Natural father, Step parent, Parent’s co-habitee, Other relative, etc.

    The highest number of abuses for every year is that of the Natural mother.

    • Thanks for your comment, Marion. The reality of domestic abuse we see around us can be so different from what we are often told.

      As for child abuse, we also found figures that many people would find surprising:
      http://www.scotland.gov.uk/Publications/2007/09/20161825/6
      TABLE 3: NUMBER OF CHILD PROTECTION REFERRALS THAT RESULTED IN A CASE CONFERENCE: 1999/00-2006/07
      BY CHILD’S PRIMARY KNOWN/SUSPECTED ABUSER

      In 2006/7 it seems that natural mothers were responsible for nearly three times as much child abuse than natural fathers.

      It may have been a coincidence but after we raised this with the Scottish Government the following two years’ figures have only refered to ‘natural parents’ and do not differentiate between fathers and mothers.

      We were told the forms had to be redesigned so that joint abusers could be recorded, and this change would take two years to implement.

      We await this year’s statistics with interest.

  7. After I had written my comment above, I remembered that I had witnessed a domestic row about a year ago. To cut a long story short, I witnessed a woman screaming and shouting at a man (her ex-husband)and then punch the man in his face with her clenched fist. He did everything in his power to walk away from her but she wouldn’t let him. I rang the police, who came after she had fled the scene. The man had bruising and cuts to his eye and face. Naturally, I said I would be a witness. The woman waited until almost the last minute before pleading guilty, which meant that I didn’t have to go to court.

    Her sentence was, 1/ Assault occasioning actual bodily harm and, 2/ Battery. She was sentenced to a Community Order and Supervision by the Probation Service for 12 months.

    I wonder what the sentencing would have been if the reverse had happened, with the man causing harm to his ex-wife? I believe that it would have been a long imprisonment.

  8. Well done indeed.The debate highlighted issues really well.Keep up the good work.

  9. My wife assaulted me on a regular basis emotionally and physically and I kept a tight note of incidents on my mobile note pad plus photographs of my injuries. She was eventually charged by Police with Special Bail Conditions. However, she was allowed to stay with the children ..why do Courts allow violent mothers to stay with the kids after they have been charged …would they allow a ‘violent man to do the same ? !!

    Many men are reluctant to come forward because as in my case they know that Scottish Judges simply will not convict but in my experience even though the forensic photographic evidence is there Judges will listen to legal precedence from Defence from 1956 !! and let the assailant off with her crime. It is not at ‘society level’ that domestic abuse of men has to be understood and accepted but at Judge stage that a zero tolerance approach is required where evidence however thin is presented.

  10. Men put up with domstic abuse as they know that if they split from their partner they will have to leave the family home and leave their children behind.

    They also have to consider the financial implications of splitting from an abusive relationship as they will have to continue to pay for their children and also pay for rented accomodation. As Michael the previous commenter has stated the law still assumes that mothers are the better parent irrespective of circumstances and a father will likely also have to find further funding for expenive legal proceedings (where only the lawyers benefit) to regain acccess to their children.

    It doesn’t sound a bit attractive does it?

  11. I am totally sick of the law and the police!! Common sense tells you that women are far worse at abuse both mentally and physically. So why do the police take the womens side. My wife is a compulsive liar and has phoned the police and accused me of all sorts of things. And yes the police come out straight away and arrested me. It’s funny though when i phoned to complain, they were not interested. It’s a joke! Equal rights don’t excist for men. I have actually moved out of the matrimonial home because she has threatened me with police. And do you know something i am staying away even though i have every right to go back home, but because i know the law and the police won’t back me up(the man).Women know now they have the upper hand, even if they are the one’s who are the guilty party. It makes me sick!!!

  12. Dear Alison and Jackie

    Well done on your work with the petition and debate. Your response to the Petition is just exellent in setting out the key facts and tautologies of those blinded by political dogma. What ever the numbers I find it hard to believe anyone claiming a progressive outlook can simply ignore this problem. The active opposition to extending support to men is just plain peverse. As you point out there is something rotten in an aguement that victims should be believed unless they are male. I can’t imagine another sector where a victim support helpline seeks to “screen” those who phone to establish who is telling a lie. Quite rightly initial contact helplines for women (and both sexes in other spheres Childline,Samiritans etc. etc.) believe their caller and later in the process other mechanisms establish the truth.
    I cannot comment you too highly for facing down this perversion of civil and human rights.

  13. HI, MY SON HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF DOMESTIC ABUSE BY HIS EX PARTNER FOR OVER 6YRS NOW AND HE HAS NEVER ONCE LAID A HAND ON HER. HE HAS BEEN STABBED,HAD HIS HEAD SPLIT OPEN WITH AN IRON, BEEN HIT WITH VASES HAD HIS MOUTH RIPPED OPEN THAT`S JUST TO NAME A FEW THINGS AND EACH TIME SHE CALLS THE POLICE TO SAY HE HAS ATTACKED HER.HE SPENDS MORE TIME IN THE POLICE CELLS THAN HE DOES AT HOME.HE HAS TWO CONVICTIONS OF DOMESTIC BREACH OF THE PEACE AS HIS LAST SOLICITOR ADVISED HIM TO PLEAD GUILTY TO THIS SO THAT THEY COULD HAVE THE ASSAULT CHARGES DROPPED(SO YOU DO WHAT YOUR LAWYER SAYS AS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BEST) BUT THIS HAS JUST MADE THINGS WORSE FOR HIM.IF THERE HAS BEEN AN ACCUSATION THAT YOU HAVE BROKE YOUR BAIL WITH THIS NEW RULING THAT HAS BEEN SET UP, THE POLICE HAVE THE RIGHT TO COME AND TAKE YOU TO THE STATION AND KEEP YOU THERE UNTIL YOU APPEAR IN COURT THE NEXT DAY EVEN WITHOUT BEING CH ARGED. MY SON`S EX KNOWS THIS AND HAS CALLED THE POLICE 3 TIMES IN 3 WEEKS WITH LIES ABOUT HIM BREAKING BAIL( WE CAN VERIFY WHERE HE WAS) AND THE POLICE HAVE LIFTED HIM 3 TIMES AND HE IS NOW ON REMAND.tHIS IS SO UNFAIR THAT THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THIS.HIS EX KNOWS HOW TO PLAY THE SYSTEM AND EVEN THE POLICE CAN SEE THIS BUT THEY SAY THEIR HANDS ARE TIED. sHE HAS STARTED TO SAY SHE HAS WITNESSES AS SHE KNOWS SHE NEEDS 2 WITNESSES OR 2 PIECES OF EVIDENCE TO GET HIM CHARGED.THE SYSTEM STINKS AND I FEEL I HAVE NO-ONE TO TALK TOO AS THE POLICE CANNOT HELP . mY SON GOT TOLD TO CALL THE POLICE BY THEM THERSELVES AS HE WOULD BE SEEN AS THE VICTIM IF HE WERE TO CALL FIRST BUT WHEN WE HAVE DONE THIS IN THE PAST,THE POLICE GO TO HER AND SHE BACKFIRES IT ON HIM AND HE GETS LIFTED.I WAS THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC ABUSE BUT THIS RULING IS JUST GOING TO FAR AS IT ONLY TAKES A LITTLE LIE FOR INNOCENT PEOPLE TO BE LIFTED AND APPEAR IN COURT.IF ANYONE COULD HELP ME WITH SOME ADVISE ON WHAT TO DO REGARDING TRYING TO CHANGE THIS NEW RULING PLEASE LET ME KNOW AS SOMETHING NEEDS DONE


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.